The Look!

I love this picture! This is the look I get when things don't go her way followed by crying, whining flaying around on the floor! Most of the time it is because she is over tired, hungry, or a lack of communication. She really had a hard time loosing Gracie, and doesn't quite know who this replacement is. She has been great with her feeding her, and being a little mother to her. But she has also been testing me to see what she can get away with, and with all of her friends here it is hard to keep things under control. So far the week is going pretty good but she has tried my patients many times. But she is quick to turn around and be happy again!

The english teacher has only been working with these kids for 12 weeks and they know their ABC's spoken and written! The can sing 3 or 4 songs and can say a few things in English. They love school.

We have a name!

After much debate and searching names we have come up with a name. We had several in the running but the winner is Avrie Na'Love Gordon. Why the Na"Love as her middle name? Well you might have guessed that it is her real name , but her real name is/was Natlove! And as Harry told me it is not "not loved" it is Nataile Love shortened to natlove! All week we have been calling her "Baby Love"! She has warmed up to us and has been really fun! She has been giving me kisses and playing with me, she is really cute!

I will try to post more tomorrow but the internet is down in our rooms and we have to come up to the eating area!

The whole Baby Story!

The day we got here and went to the orphanage we met a little girl about 9 months old very cute and very chubby! It was hard for me to commit to her, I had just finished talking to the director about Gracie and just couldn't go there yet. I told them that she was cute and that I wanted to think about it for the night, they told me that there were 2 more little girls coming to the orphanage the next day and that if I wanted they would bring them to the hotel and I could pick! Well, I was awake that night from 2 -3 am and thinking about this little girl and then all day I was thinking about her and Scott and I had just decided that she would be the one. So when they were going to bring the girls to the hotel I was just going to say I will take the one I met yesterday.

Now when the adoption coordinator was at the orphanage she saw this little girl come in, but didn't know if she was one of the "other girls" but she thought to herself that looks like one that the Gordon's would like". When it was time for them to leave she asked about the 2 other girls and they said that only one had come and indeed it was the little girl that the adoption coordinator and said would be good for us. So she brought both girls back to the hotel and when Sheree walked in holding this little girl and just I glanced and her then had to turn away she reminded me so much of Ellie. I started talking to the adoption coordinator telling her that I think we would just take the little girl she was holding and she told me the story about how she felt when she saw the second little girl and I looked at her more closely then after a few minutes I decided I would hold her just to see, and it started to feel right. I had a lot of questions I needed to ask Harry and after he answered them I chose the second little girl. It really is not fun having choices sometimes it was hard, I worked my self up all night and day to accept the first little girl but I never had a really positive feeling that she was the one, but I chalked that up to still being so raw about Gracie and really just wanting her back. About half hour after we had the second little girl I really felt that she is the one for our family, we are still bonding, my guard is up but she is so cute and her personallity is coming out and she has been so good.

Last night both girls went to sleep about 9 pm and slept until 5 am then we played for about an hour and we all fell back asleep again for another hour. During the night the baby started feeling my face and I don't think she liked what she was finding because all of a sudden she stared slapping me, it was kinda funny, she probably had never seen a white person before that day and now she is sleeping next to one. She felt around for Destina and felt her hair and face and cuddled up next to her.
Destina took the news of Gracie pretty hard they said. But she took over and started mothering this little girl telling her to lay down, and she listened! She had a foot hanging off the bed and Destina grabbed it and put it back on the bed. She has been sharing her food and is becoming attached to her as well. This little girl has not lived at the orphanage. Her mother is one of the many moms that come to the orphanage begging them to take her child and has been turned away. So for this little girl, this transition is hard, she has been living with her mother and now she is put into a whole new environment, and then will be taken to the orphange, another new transition. We will be praying that she will make it home to us and that I will never have to "pick" another child, or say good bye.

We have made a decision

We have found another little girl. She is 2 not sure on the birthday yet so she could have just turned 2 or will be turning 2 soon. She kind of reminds me of Ellie, very graceful and dainty. We need to come up with a name her Haitian name will not due. We have a few ideas but have not settled on anything yet. I should not have to come up with 3 names in one year. I have already used my favorites. This is going to be another short post Destina needs my attention. More later when she is napping, hopefully!

Destina

We got to the Orpahange about 3 pm we had to wait for another family to come in and their flight was 2 hours behind ours, that was a long 2 hour wait at the hotel anxious to get to the orphanage, I was a very impatient, nervous mess! But we made it. All of the older kids came bursting out the front door as soos as they heard us get out of the car and Destina came running right to me screaming "Mama, Mama! She was happy to see me and then after a minute made te rounds to the other parents that she knew and she was a little confused as to who Aunt Sheree was but quickly warmed up to her and Madie. We stayed at the orphanage for about 2 hours, I had a chance to talk to Harry and Nadia about Gracie, that will be another post. I also had the chance to take another little girl but I choose to sleep on it, somehow I felt that I was betraying Gracie, there were a lot of tears. When it was time to go Destina couldn't wait to get out of there and when they were in the car she was taunting the other kids, which I promptly made her stop doing. I don't know what she was saying but I know she was just so excited to be going and she wanted all her other friends to know! We also had a friend of hers, who still needs a family, come and spend the night, that too is another post! Destina was her normal self and kinda bossy, and started whinning which really only happened because she was over tired and over stimulated. They went swimming and had dinner and then settled down and went to sleep. For me I slept a couple of hours then was awake, my mind going, for about 2 hours in the middle of the night. The girls woke up laughing and ready for another adventure at promptly 5:30 am this morning. Destina is naping and I was able to nap for a little while too and Sheree and Madie went back to the orphanage to spend the day thre and help out or probably just love on those cute kids. I gave Madie my camera on the way to te orphanage and let her take as many pictures as she wanted and shee took about 200, I have not looked at all of them yet but I am sure she got some good ones.
They are going to bring 2 girls to the hotel later today for me to spend time with and see if there is a bond, I am at this point leaning towards the girl I met yesterday, and once again I will post about that later too.
It takes forever to load a picture so I will have to post more pictures when I get home and just do a couple while I am here!
Thanks for checking up on me and I will keep you posted when I have a chance!

We made it!

This is going to be quick, we made it to Haiti without anything going wrong! Destina was happy to see me and looks healthy. We are having fun right now with her bag of bead necklaces pictures to come later! I am staying in the same hotel room as I did in June but I haven't seen any cock roaches yet! I'll post more tomorrow!

Gracie and her Dad

A friend just sent me this picture of Gracie and Scott that was taken in October. It brought tears to my eyes to see them so attached. Oh how we love that little girl, and wish that things would have turned out differently.
I am heading back to Haiti this week and I am going with an open heart and mind not sure what is in store for us next. There are so many kids that need a home, but my heart doesn't know how much more it can take. Ellie and now Gracie have a place all their own in my heart, they are not items to be replaced when broken. Really I just want them both here, I want those two little girls running around my house causing trouble.
I have to go back to the day we decided to head down this slippery slope called adoption and remember our goal, remember the reason we decided to disrupt our peaceful life where things were running smoothly. Our decision to adopt came down to the fact that we wanted to give a home to a child/children that would not have one otherwise. Is that still the goal? When we began this process we thought "wow won't it be great to change the life of a child in need?" Instead we are the ones that have been changed, we are different people than we were when we started this 18 months ago. Things that mattered then, don't really matter now. Things that we took for granted then, we cherish now. We see things with different perspective, our goals have changed and our hearts have changed. Our children have changed and their wants and needs have changed.
So as I pack (well I've pretty much been packed for 2 weeks now) I contemplate the next change that will come into our lives. I'm not sure what that will be, but I am open and waiting for the answer, hoping that the right one will come and that all of this will make sense one day!

Gracie Gordon

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Heartache again....

Gracie Cristella Gordon
9-19-07- 1-16-09

We received news last night that Gracie became very sick and passed away. Once again our hearts are broken and our dreams for that sweet little girl are taken away. I'm not sure why this happened to us twice but it did and we are trying to figure out where to go from here. When we were in Haiti in Oct. Gracie was so sick and we were both so worried about her frail state, but we had a plan in place to help her get the food and medical care she needed and we felt comfort in that. Then we received her up date picture 2 weeks ago and saw that her cheeks were fat and she looked so healthy, so it really was a shock that she could go so fast when she was doing so well.
When we told the 3 younger kids what had happened Ryan in his infinite wisdom said "mom this was meant to be, otherwise God would not have let this happen, he wants us to be happy, so it was meant to be". How do I argue with that? The faith of a child to know that God is in control.
We will miss her big eyes and big dimples. We will miss her! She will not be forgotten and her life will not be in vain, she was loved, and she has her forever family!

Bigger or Better

For Ryan's birthday party we had a group of boys over to play "bigger or better" it is like a scavenger hunt except we started out with a bar of soap and they went around the neighborhood trying to trade up for something bigger or better! After about an hour of hunting they came back and had pizza and cake and ice cream. We got Ryan a Nerf Gun for his birthday, like he really needed another one, and all the boys decided to have a Nerf gun war in my house! Scott of course was a willing participant and moved furniture around and found a gun also! They had fun playing until it was time to go home, and now my downstairs needs to be fumigated it smells like sweaty stinky boys!



This was the prize for our game "bigger or better" somehow the bar of soap got traded for some food item and then it just seemed like they kept getting food! But these Clif bars will be great to take to Haiti and hand out to hungry people, if I can find room in my bags for them..
They also collected a inflatable raft that is hiding out in the garage!

Ryan's Birthday!

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Thank You!

Thank you to the sweet person that sent me this card with some money in it for my trip! EXCEPT you forgot to sign your name and it will bug me not knowing who did this act of kindness! So whoever you are thank you!!! Your kindness is very appreciated and needed!

60 Minutes

Last night on 60 minutes there was a story about Wyclef Jean and Haiti. It was inspiring that one man is working so hard to make a difference in his country of birth. Yes he is rich, and has money to devote to his cause, but he could as easily forgotten where he came from and spent all his money on himself.



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Girls I'm Coming....

I just bought my tickets for our next trip to Haiti!
I have been participating in an asthma study where I go in usually every week, or every other week, and give a blood sample, pee in a cup, and have an EKG and take study medication everyday. I have been doing this since late October and I get paid $100.00 every time I go in. Well I have saved every penny of that money for my "next trip"! I can't wait to see these girls again only 3 weeks away!

Happy Birthday Ellie!

Today would have been Ellie's 3rd Birthday! I just couldn't let it go by without remembering her. We think about her often and are sad that she will not be a part of our family right now! We miss her and she will remain forever in our hearts!

Off to a Good Start

Good Bye to 2008 it really wasn't that great, as a mater of fact it ranks up there with one of the worst years ever (except for a few bright spots!) So far 2009 is looking fine, when I opened up my email yesterday I found that I had pictures of the girls, and a date for our next trip!




Gracie looks a little tired I think this picture was taken right during nap time! BUT....look at her cheeks, I can't see any sign of a cheek bone so that is good news she is eating and looking like she is doing better...YEAH!