There have been a lot of discussions going on at my house on
racism and white privilege in the last few weeks. I have a 16-year-old Haitian
daughter that is really trying to find her voice and understand why the color
of her skin matters and why some people judge her differently because of it. I
have a 13-year-old Haitian daughter that wishes more than anything to have
blonde straight hair and blue eyes just like her white friends, she cannot see
how extremely beautiful she is. I have a Haitian husband that, when we first
started dating, told me I was doing a disservice to my girls if I did not teach
them how to be black in a white world. My daughters, as long as they are with
me, have the use of my white privilege card, they walk into the store and are seen
with the white lady, so they are not a threat. When my daughter walks into the
store without me she notices that she gets watched, she makes a point to make
eye contact and smile, so they know that all of her 4”11’ self is not a threat.
She is afraid that if she were to get pulled over, she would not only have to
worry about getting a ticket but possibly being seen as a threat. She knows
that she needs to have all of her documents at the ready and her hands on the
steering wheel before the police officer approaches her car. These are a few of
the things that we have been discussing. As much as I would love to say, “We
live in Bellingham, that would not happen to you here” that is not the lesson
she needs to know, what if she is traveling somewhere else. White privilege is
having the ability to opt out of noticing the suffering and injustice of an
entire race and pretend everything is ok.
If you know me you would know that I like to walk fast, all
the time. When I first started dating Marco we were walking inside a big
shopping mall and he couldn’t understand why I was walking so fast and I was
getting frustrated that he was walking so slow, when I told him I am a fast
walker he told me that “As a black man if I am walking fast I am guilty of
something”. After a long discussion I learned something new, I learned that there
is a difference between my reality and his and that I need to be able to see
his life from his perspective and his life experience. We have had many
discussions since then and I am still learning.
Sitting outside in our front yard this afternoon everyone
that walked past our house waved and said Hi, they were friendly, and I believe
they were sending the message that we see you and we are glad you are our
neighbor. Anyone that takes the time to get to know my girls, or my husband
sees what wonderful, non-threatening, people they are, and I am lucky to have
them in my life. As my daughter said
last night, “I just don’t get why the color of my skin makes people think less
of me.” I didn’t have an answer for her, but I hope that she will be able to
live and raise her family in a different world, one that doesn’t question her
character, her kindness, her compassion, her worthiness, by the color of her
skin. When we know better, we do better, if you do not know then now is a good
time to start. Have that difficult conversation, ask questions, get out of your
comfort zone. Face the fear and take action anyway.
